Saturday, January 16, 2016

Resolutions, Resolutions

I read an article this morning that said by today, we will have forgotten our resolutions for the new year. I've been thinking about them pretty much since the year started. 

Normally, I have it all figured out by the first day of January. Written in my journal or somewhere I can see them all the time, my resolutions really help me set what I want to get out of the year, and sometimes, where I want to go. Now a lot of people mock resolutions; sure, sometimes you never lose those 15 pounds, I sure never read the 50 books I promised myself I would nor did I kick a habit that I've been fighting for a long time (I'm taking it to my grave), but I did get a lot of the others done and it feels pretty good. 

Every year when I ask my friend what her resolution is, she answers "not to give up smoking" or "eat more cake" and I think that we're just generally too hard on ourselves, which leads to failing (for the record: she always succeeds at her resolutions). When the year starts, all the usual articles start floating online "To Succeed At Your Resolutions, Keep Them To Yourself" or "Telling Everyone Your Resolutions May Be The Secret" and everyone has their own way, or perhaps don't set resolutions at all. 

I like to group the big and small and together, from little habits I want to change or take up, to things I want to learn, and big challenges I know are coming up later in the year. This last part might be cheating a bit, but it's all in there. Last year, I wanted to move out of my family home, go to grad school in Paris, and finally face a French test that I spent years avoiding for fear of failing (I ended up getting the highest score). 

Aside from things like "moisturize" and "drink more water" which make it to my list every year, for 2016 I have a few other resolutions... This may just be the year!

  1. Get into hugging. This may sound super weird to other people, but I am not entirely comfortable touching others, not even the closest people to me. I have a few friends that give the most comforting, open armed hugs, and while I enjoy them I usually stand there with my arms to my side like a dead fish. In Paris, people are quick to grab you and give you two kisses to say hello (they rarely hug) but even that sometimes leads to me awkwardly standing there. 
  2. Be less afraid. When I was 18, I tattooed a Circa Survive song on my wrists, In Fear And Faith, the point was not to shock and upset my parents (although that seemed to be the greatest outcome) but to remind myself not to be afraid and have faith that ultimately everything falls into place. As you may have guessed, I've never been able to truly convince myself of this, I always catch myself prepping for the worst outcome, or wasting my time for fear of asking the hard questions. 
  3. Get out of my routine. I spent a lot of time perfecting my routines, squeezing this here, making more time for that there, and very little of it doing something spontaneous. Paris seems to be the perfect place to do this, you can always take a detour on the way home and meet a friend for a drink or a movie instead. 
  4. See more of Paris. Speaking of, I've spent more time trying to get to Paris than actually seeing Paris. When people ask me what I've done so far, my answer is not much as I'm always working or studying or dealing with administrative things. 
  5. Have more parties. This year started with an impromptu apéro that ran until around 2am on a weekday. I really love having people over my place and cooking for them and talking about whatever, I hope to do a lot more of it this year. 
  6. Talk on the phone. The same way I'm terrible at hugging and other human contact, I'm terrible at speaking on the phone. I admit with a lot of shame that I sometimes don't pick up phone calls and text friends later just because I hate being on the phone. I'm getting better at it... maybe. 
  7. Manage my time better. Despite my many lists and routines, everything I have to do somehow mushes together and I end up working, reading for class, and trying to cook dinner at the same time. I'd love to create time frames to do each thing and not let each other overlap. 
  8. Eat out more/try more recipes/better my relationship with food. I'm guilty of having an Instagram account full of photos of my food. I like to remind myself of healthy dishes I made or just like the colors in the food. Everyone knows I'm into cooking by now, but in reality I have a terrible relationship with food, and sometimes I feel too guilty to even venture out and eat something I didn't cook myself or grab a treat. 
  9. Let it go/don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Whether I voice out my disappointment or keep it inside, I'm known to fester inside for days after something upsets me. Over the holiday break, I came back to find out repairs were done inside my apartment without my permission along with notes from my land lady on how I should decorate or what table cloths I should put on my furniture. Despite already writing a strongly-worded email, I'm still festering. 
  10. Do not abandon this project. The internet is full of nude celebrity photos, memes, and a cemetery of my old blogs. After much work, I've gotten over feeling overwhelmingly silly whenever I write and I'm determined to not forget about this one as I usually do. After all, it is a lot of fun. 

PS: Some other resolutions I really loved